I've Never Written a Drinking Game Fic...
by Bishie no Miko
Summary: This is to amuse myself, but if you like a whooole lotta beloved characters getting together, getting drunk, and revealing all sorts of fun secrets, It'll amuse you too. R for language, mature themes and random smut. Yaoi content.
1. The Inside-Joke Opening

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
"I've Never Written a 'Drinking Game' Fic..."  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
DISCLAIMER FOR THE OPENING: Asia is MINE. I got him for my eighth birthday. Amanda is my little sister's, and I'm sure she'll be pissed if you copy her dog. Common decency will tell you this is NOT for copying. You steal this, you get SUED. You got me? YOU WILL BE SUED!! NO ONE IS SAFE!!   
  
I HAVE RICH GRANDPARENTS!!   
  
So anyway, guess what?! It's summer!! MUAHAHAHAHA!! Finally, some free time! And that means... NEW FANFICTION!! No, wait... it means being a responsible author and working on the fanfiction that's already in circulation... eheh... ^_^;;  
  
I wrote a little opening to this fic, because I was really, really bored, and the next chapter is the real thing. This opening has no effect on the actual story whatsoever, so it is safe to skip. But it's amusing, so I suggest going ahead and reading it anyway.  
  
Remember to review what you read! Because if you don't review, how do I know I'm being read, and how can I prevent myself from falling into a fanfic depression stupor? ^_^;;  
  
Enjoy!  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
A battered young woman lay across the desk, broken.  
  
She wore nothing but black, dragon-ball-speckled shorts and an orange workout bra, her shirt long since ripped to shreds in a crazed fury. Hair matching her own dark chestnut color lay strewn about her in clumps, as if it had been ripped from her scalp and violently tossed aside. Her forehead, now pressed against the gentle cold of her wooden desk, was swollen and blue, like someone had beaten it repeatedly against some hard surface in the same place... beside her, the nearby plaster wall had a gaping, sunken hole, as if someone had slammed a heavy, blunt object into it over and over again. Her eyes, once glittering with exuberance in all their hazel glory, now barely remained open, dark rims framing them to complete their weakened state. Her back was arched over in defeat, and her limbs were limp and dragging on the dirty-chalk carpet.  
  
The calm white glowing of her laptop screen was the only light in the otherwise black room. Her shadow, pristine from the concentrated light, adorned the opposite wall and kept the only witness, a crotchety old chinchilla named Asia, shaded in the black of the night.   
  
Suddenly the shade moved, and from his cage he saw the shadow arch up and fling its attention to the sky, both hands clutching its head in agony. It's mouth opened and Asia groaned inwardly, and he prepared himself for the ridiculous amount of noise that was sure to come.  
  
"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMOOOORRRE!!!"   
  
His ears rang, drowning out any more noise for quite some time, though he could see her thrashing about as if a ferret had crawled up her... well, a ferret couldn't fit into her clothes. Young humans these days should dress more conservatively. Then they'd be able to write about how they moved as if a crazy, horny ferret had crawled into their trousers.  
  
After all, it was this sort of thing that was causing the mess, wasn't it? Not being able to describe things?  
  
He sighed as his 135-year-old ears (eight and something years in the silly human system) finally cleared of their ringing. And as he finally picked up some of the words in the hurricane of gibberish coming out of her mouth, he confirmed his hunch.  
  
Writers' Block again. And from the names mentioned, it was Outlaw Star she was having trouble with.  
  
"I mean, this is INSANE!! How am I supposed to make this flow from HERE?! If Mel has to do this NOW, then how can THIS happen later?!"  
  
He sighed again. He knew the story of this one; it had caused her more trouble than any of the other recent stories. And, as usual, he knew exactly what to do... all she had to do was (insert shameless self-spoiler here), and it would leave her audience moved beyond words. But of course he couldn't tell her. First of all, the girl was caught up in too much emotion at the moment to listen to anything. Secondly, he COULDN'T. He was a CHINCHILLA, and rodents couldn't speak human language. Understand it sure, but speak it? At times like this he wished he could...he felt sorry for her when she was like this... annoyed, sure, but underneath all that grumpy old rodent exterior, he felt for his silly human. He'd tell the girl's muses, and they could relay it, but still, if he could talk, he could tell her as soon as she had calmed down.  
  
It was all Amanda's fault.  
  
He was sure of it... whatever the problem, that dog was the cause. He ran out of pellets? Amanda was taking up attention. He didn't get as many treats? Amanda again. His human has Writer's Block? That's Amanda too, somehow, some way. That little bitch had been trouble from the day she came into his territory as the little white puffball of terror she was. And worst of all, she liked him. If there was one thing he hated, it was that cheerful smile of hers whenever she laid eyes on him. She was always, ALWAYS smiling. Damn that cheerful dog!  
  
Suddenly, there was a spell of silence, and he looked over to her again. She seemed to be in deep thought, but soon, her bloodshot eyes shot open and she grinned THAT GRIN of hers.  
  
"I'm gonna write a DIFFERENT one."  
  
Uh oh. She hadn't said "IN a different one," she had said "A different one." That meant something completely new.  
  
That's just great. One more fic to torture herself with...  
  
"...An' it's gonna be a COMEDY!!"   
  
He paused in his thoughts, blinked, and sighed, shaking his head. Oh well. At least she wouldn't beat herself up quite as much...   
  
And hell, it gave him some peace and quiet for now.  
  
He shuffled his feet and settled back down for sleep in his running-wheel as her shadow blocked the light again. He closed his eyes and, with the rhythmic clicking sound of the keys soothing him, slowly drifted off to sleep.  
  
**Good luck, kid.**  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
...okay, so it was COMPLETELY an inside joke... in fact, that wasn't funny at all unless you know my pets... uh... never mind, just... just ignore me. ^_^;;  
  
Write and run!  



	2. The Preparations

AUTHOR'S NOTE: THIS ONE IS HUGE. In fact, I think it has more participants than ANY other "characters playing a game" fic OUT there. I had to limit myself to five characters an anime max. So be forewarned: If you only like a few anime (or you don't play video games a lot), you might not recognize some of these people!   
  
Of course, you'll get the basic idea, even if you've got no clue who they are... it might not be acutely accurate, though, since I might be doing something weird to them. ^_^v  
  
DISCLAIMER (And the LIST OF PARTICIPANTS): These anime, video games, and characters are not mine:   
  
TRIGUN; Vash, Nick.  
DBZ; Vegeta, Goku.   
GW; Heero, Duo, Trowa, Quatre, Wufei.   
RANMA: Ranma, Ryoga, Shampoo, Akane, Mousse.  
YYH; Kurama, Hiei, Yuusuke.   
SLAYERS; Lina, Gourry, Zelgadis, Xellos, Naga.  
KENSHIN: Kenshin, Sanosuke, Saitou, Megumi.  
MKR; Fuu, Ferio, Hikaru.  
FY; Tamahome, Tasuki, Suboshi, Nakago.  
FF (in general); Tifa, Cloud, Squall, Zell, Zidane.  
ZELDA; Link, Ruto, Navi, Ganondorf.  
OLS: Gene, Jim, Melfina, Aisha.  
SM; Seiya, Minako, Ami.  
  
Also, the Drinking Game is not mine. BUT! The way I make all of the above characters move IS mine. So don't be naughty, and don't copy!  
  
Enjoy!  
  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
Part 1: The Preparations  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
  
Melfina: How 'bout a game, everyone?  
  
*A great deal of blinking occurs.*  
  
*They're in a gigantic, circular, dome-ceiling room, which looks as if it's meant to comfortably fit 50 or 60 people at once. It has wood-panel walls, orange-mix carpet, a stairway leading up, and no windows... it's probably underground. The walls are bare, and the whole place would be completely empty if it wasn't for the various types of sit-down material; chestnut loveseats, sofas, and easy chairs with ottomans are arranged against the walls so, no matter where you sit, you can see everything in the room. But the thing that draws the most attention is a large wooden table, which rests in the dead center of the circle. A circle itself, its surface can't be seen, for it is covered with bottles.*  
  
*Everyone is standing around as if they've just been zapped there by some omniscient force. And, for some reason, only a few of them seem to know what, exactly, they're all doing there.*  
  
Gene: What do you mean, game?! *looks around* Where ARE we, and where the hell did you come up with that?  
  
Melfina: *blinks* I don't know. For some reason, I thought that was the thing to do.  
  
Jim: Yeah... that sounds right. But... who are these people?  
  
Kurama: We're from YYH, remember? And the others are from other anime, Jim. ^_^  
  
Jim: Oh... right...  
  
Ryoga: *spots Ranma* SAUTOME RANMA!!  
  
*on reflex to loud noise, a sword suddenly sticks out of the crowd*  
  
Wufei: NATAKU!!  
  
Ranma: *looks around* What? What? Ryoga? *looks over crowd* Where are you?  
  
Shampoo: *hears Ranma* AI-REN! *runs to source of voice and glomps*  
  
Ranma: *_*  
  
Akane: Hey, HEY! Hands OFF!  
  
Mousse: *frowns* ...Shampoo...  
  
Seiya: *puts his hand on Mousse's shoulder* I feel for you, man.  
  
Minako: *obviously knows what's going on* Well, shall we get started?  
  
Ami: *also knows* It's apparent that not all of us know the situation...  
  
Vash: *jumping up and down, frantically:* NIIIIICK!!! NIIIIICK, ARE YOU HEEEEERE?!  
  
Nick: *on the other side of the room* VASH?! VAAASH!!  
  
*Nick sticks the cross up into the air. Vash spots him and vaults over the entire crowd, using two taller heads for step-stones, and jumps into Nick's arms.*  
  
Sano and Saitou: OW! BASTARD!!  
  
*sword pops out of crowd*  
  
Wufei: NATAKU!!  
  
Megumi: Ohohoho...  
  
Sano: Who're you laughing at?   
  
Kenshin: You, that it seems...  
  
Tifa: Geez, how could he avoid you, with that rooster head sticking out of the crowd?   
  
Vegeta and Hiei: *grumble something about tall being better than short*  
  
Kurama, Yuusuke, Goku: *chuckle*  
  
*FY boys all seem to know what's going on. Tasuki and Tamahome are already sitting completely opposite of Suboshi and Nakago, all but Naka-chan glaring like hell.*  
  
Cloud: *sigh* this is getting nowhere fast...  
  
Fuu: Perhaps we should organize, then?  
  
Hikaru: Organize?  
  
Ferio: Organize?  
  
Quatre: *who's standing nearby* Organize?  
  
Duo: It's contagious!! Run, RUN!! *grabs Heero and runs to the opposite wall.*  
  
Fuu: Contagious?  
  
Hikaru: Contagious?  
  
Ferio: What do you mean, contagious?  
  
Quatre: Yes, what? *eyes start to twitch and his voice starts getting higher* What's contagious, eh? Ehehehehehe...   
  
*Trowa grabs Quatre's hand and guides him to the opposite side of the room*   
  
Trowa: Quatre, calm down!  
  
Wufei: ...*sword pops up* NATAKU!!  
  
Other G-boys: *sigh*  
  
Zell: ... well, if we're gonna play a game, then let's play! Right, Squall?  
  
Squall: ...  
  
Zelgadis: ...  
  
Trowa: ...  
  
Heero: ...  
  
Duo: ...well, now that we know where the life of the party is...  
  
Lina: *starts to glow* ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY IN A SEAT, AND MAKE IT FAST!! LET'S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD!!   
  
*The hectic room immediately obliges. Everyone finds a chair and most wait for an explanation.*  
  
Naga: Ohohoho! It always helps to have a loud mouth.  
  
Lina: Shut up, Naga!  
  
Naga: Ohohoho!  
  
Megumi: Ohohoho!  
  
Vash: Nyahahaha!  
  
Zidane: Someone stop them!  
  
*Heero pulls out three guns, all aimed professionally. They shut up.*  
  
Zidane: Thanks.  
  
Heero: Don't mention it.  
  
Lina: Mel?  
  
*Melfina goes to the table*  
  
Melfina: Well, the rules are simple. We take turns and say something we've never done before. Everyone who has done the mentioned must take a drink.  
  
Yuusuke: how do you win?  
  
Xellos: Well... last person to pass out usually wins. ^_^  
  
Sano: I win.  
  
Tasuki: You WISH.  
  
*both glare at each other with smiles on their faces*  
  
Kenshin: He's made a friend already, that he has...  
  
Duo: Speak English!  
  
Zidane: You're the only one in here who CAN.  
  
Ami and Vash: I know a little...  
  
Minako: Actually, this is the sort of game that horny teenagers play at slumbers until they get bored. I should know, I am one. *winks at Wufei*  
  
Wufei: ... *hides behind Link* Onna! Get it away! *whimpers*  
  
Link: ...Oro? ...You think YOU have girl trouble? -_-  
  
Ruto: *glares*  
  
Kenshin: *-* Somebody else! I'm not alone, that I am not!  
  
Link: ...you mean... YOU say 'oro' too?!  
  
Kenshin: *gravely nods*  
  
*Link and Kenshin stare at each other for a moment*  
  
Link and Kenshin: BUDDY!! *they hug each other*  
  
Hikaru: Awww, Kawaii ^_^  
  
Duo: *whines* Are we EVER going to start playing?  
  
Goku: Come on, guys, let's get moving!  
  
*Everyone looks at Goku, and then by some magical force everyone works together to get up and get drinks. Each person even finds his or her seat again. Everything is in perfect harmony until the awe-inspiring sound that is Goku's voice has worn from memory.*  
  
Aisha: *flings her hand holding the bottle into the air* All right, let's PLAY!  
  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Not much to say, only this sure is fun! I should be idiotic more often! ^_^;;  



End file.
